RuPauls Drag Race UK Recap: Cat Men Do

You know what they say about pizza, that even when it’s bad it’s still pretty good. If there is an inverse to that statement it is improv, even when it’s good it’s still pretty bad. That’s least how I feel about the improv segments on any of the Drag Races around the world. Yeah, it can be funny, but never as funny as a roast, not even as funny as the acting challenges which are scripted like a high school production of Soapdish: The RuSical. That’s what we got this episode and, while there were some standout performances, there was only one that was a real wow.

After Peppa disgraces Copper Top’s name by calling her “Ginger” and Sminty disgraces Dakota’s name by calling her “Da-Coast-a” (which doesn’t even make sense cause she has two badges) we are right into the mini challenge, Line of Booty Duty. (If you have not watched Line of Duty, a cop drama that was, for a time, the most popular show in Britain, find somewhere to stream it.) The queens must get into quick drag and then play a round of musical chairs where all the stools are bottoms. This is the opposite of a gay bar for power bottoms I went to once that was called Vortex and all of the stolls were traffic cones.

As Sminty, says the challenge is really “go over there and make yourself look like shit and then run around like a prat.” That’s sort of the theme of every mini challenge, but that is the price these girls have to pay for fame and riches. What? You think 100,000-plus Instagram followers come without a heaping side of humiliation? Please. Just ask anyone who has ever been on Love Island. 

Pixie Polite with a padded posterior is aces the whole game and her big fat bum pushes Sminty right off the final stool to secure her win. Ru tells the girls that they’re going to be on a talk show called Catty Man (a pun on the long-running-but-since-canceled talk show Alan Carr: Chatty Man) in groups of three. Ugh, another group challenge. Yes, I know we have to do several of them per season, but this is the third week in a row. Give these girls a chance to shine individually already.

As the winner, Pixie picks Cheddar and Danny Beard as her teammates, which makes perfect sense because they’re the funny ones. She also assigns the other groups, sticking Le Fil, Dakota, and Baby together on one team and Peppa, Sminty, and JB (the queen formerly known as Jonbers Blonde and formerly formerly known as Jonbenet Blonde). While it looks like she cut the line of waiting queens in half, she later tells her teammates that was just a handy coincidence because she wanted a team that was sure to fail to make sure that she and her crew wouldn’t end up bottoming, which isn’t that much of a punishment. Just ask professional snack Lil Nas X.

Team Pixie is up first with Cheddar playing a former child star who had a double act with her sister as acrobatic yodelers. Sadly her sister died in an avalanche and Danny Beard is the pet psychic who is trying to help her contact her sibling. Shockingly enough, Pixie, as the sister, is just on the other side of the wall. They are all hilarious, especially Danny, who hops down onto the floor and follows around a laser pointer like an insane cat. I also loved when Cheddar pulled off Pixie’s wig. We were expecting to see a wig cap, but instead we saw another dime store wig. You know what Ru always says, if you take off that wig there better be a wig underneath it and they did not disappoint. 10s across the board for this group, which is no surprise.

The best comedic surprise happened when Dakota came out as a pop star whose voice was stolen by Baby, an aspiring pop star who could never sing. Dakota is pretty. Dakota is charming. One thing Dakota is not is funny, which is why Pixie put her in the dud group. However, when she opened her mouth and a deep raspy sound came out, everyone laughed including Alan and Dakota herself. She was so shocked to be getting laughs for the first time in her life she kept breaking character which made her even funnier. Sadly Baby, who was sitting with her leg over the chair and her crotch exposed to the world, for some reason, was not funny.

Neither was Le Fil who was doing a good job playing a nerdy doctor. However she couldn’t get her story straight and needed Alan to give them a scenario to get their voices back where they belonged, like some kind of Freak Friday resolution but without Jamie Lee Curtis or Lindsay Lohan (Rest in Netflix Christmas Movie or RINCM). It was a big miss from two out of the three with Dakota gagging everyone just by trying her best.

Last up is Peppa, JB, and Sminty and I know it’s going to be a disaster for Sminty because when they were choosing the roles she went for something that wasn’t like her to show the judges she has range. This trick never works. Unless they specifically ask for something (a different silhouette, better makeup, no more pussy cat wigs) then stay in your comfort zone. That is where the queens always do the best. Especially if she’s not experienced in improv, playing a heightened version of herself is just going to be the easiest lift.

The scenario is that Black Peppa, as a Jamaican princess, is about to meet the online love of her life, but Sminty was catfishing her. But when Sminty gets out there she just totally whiffs. She doesn’t even attempt any jokes and even when Alan sets her up she still misses. It was like watching a 6-year-old strike out at tee ball. JB is probably the best of the bunch, playing the person whose pictures Sminty used to catfish Peppa. (This is a scenario that actually happened and is wild!)

This week Workroom Try to Make Us Cry Theater was really working overtime and it’s because the runway category is Mane Event. First, Danny and Pixie have a talk about how good they did and Danny says that if Pixie beats her in this challenge, then she deserves it because she really proved herself. Next we hear from Dakota who says that she and her twin used to play with dolls until they were five and there was a big intervention. However, her grandmother used to let them come over and pretend her curtain tassels were hair so that they could act like little girls. No, I’m not crying, you’re crying.

Next Le Fil talks about how she always had to have crappy short haircuts because that’s what little boys in Chinese families did and she grew her hair out as a way to rebel. And finally, Cheddar and Peppa talk about losing their hair and how it’s linked to their identity. Cheddar says she got meningitis when she was 18 and her hair never really grew back, but when she embraced her baldness she realized she was even more beautiful than before. Peppa talked about all of the straightening and texturizing she did to tame her Black hair in an attempt to look “presentable” almost made her lose all of her locks. Now she embraces her natural hair and all types of Black hair and that’s why her runway look is inspired by dreadlocks. Cheddar tells her that she is showing her identity by way of a spectacle and that is drag and I’m not crying. Okay, I am full-on sobbing.

Peppa’s look turns out to be a dress made of braids including a pierced nipple and a giant headpiece that looks like it could be used to summon some sort of ancient hirsute deity. Dakota has a bit old tassel on her head and curtains for a garment and thank Divine (a.k.a. gay God) that we got the backstory or else it would have made no sense. JB has a giant Margaret Thatcher wig and a fur coat and it’s all a little underwhelming even when she takes off the coat to reveal fur knickers (complete with a brooch bumhole). They are all safe, which makes me a little sad because I wanted Dakota to get a little more praise for coming into her own.

Naturally it’s Cheddar, Danny, and Pixie on top. Cheddar’s Cheshire Cat–inspired look really tied the runway and the challenge together and was one of the most elaborate and creative things we’ve seen on the stage. Next time they do a live-action Dr. Seuss movie, please call Cheddar to make the costume for the Lorax. Danny’s features a giant red wig, a dominatrix inspired outfit, and sleeves made out of hair like she’s about to be on the couch for a Real Housewives reunion. There is also an invisible dog for some reason. I didn’t love Pixie’s Birth of Venus inspired look, with a clam covering her clam. She was wearing a wig so high it must have weighed 14 kilos (that’s about 28 pounds — or one stone if you want to be really confused) but it wasn’t reading hair.

There is some deliberation about who is better, Danny or Pixie, especially back in the workroom and Pixie doesn’t think she’s getting her due. The judges felt the same as the contestants and Danny takes the badge. Since they give them out like Tic-Tacs anyway, couldn’t they have spared another for poor Pixie. I mean, be polite.

It’s a little bit harder for the bottoms. Baby’s look, a cage made out of braids (or plaits as the British call them, which is why all of Michelle’s puns landed) was cute, but it was a similar idea as Peppa’s and not as well executed. Even Ru says it is not enough and if someone who hasn’t done her own makeup, hair, or costumes in 20 years says it’s not enough, then, well, maybe Ru should reconsider. When Le Fil explained her concept about the drain plugs collecting all the hair I liked the concept much more, but we couldn’t see the chrome hardware among all the willy-nilly tresses. Sminty, on the other hand, was absolutely divine. She made herself into a moth with two giant antennae made out of bouncing braids with tendrils flying everywhere. She calls it, and I can’t improve on perfection, Mothy Ken Doll. It is one of the most inventive outfits we’ve ever seen, and the judges praised it to high as a kite heaven. BenDeLaCreme could never, but almost.

That was not enough to save her though and she lip synced alongside Baby. It’s the kind of lip sync where the whole time you’re hoping there will be a double save. There weren’t any shablams or outrageous antics, but Sminty was giving us crazy face during the stuttering lyrics of “Respectable” by Mel and Kim, an amazing single that, like soccer and morning show host Alison Hammond, never quite made it in America. Baby steps it up about half way through when she peels off her hair cage and steps out like a butterfly in a thong.

Sadly there was no double save for Sminty, whose moth really flamed out in the end. I’m not gonna lie, I will miss her — especially after her bad twerk on the way out. Instantly iconic.

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